For the Record...

Okay so this is blog is my personal vehicle for venting. It feels better than writing in a journal because I can actually get all of my thoughts out and put them out into the universe. I am a perfectly healthy 24 yr old women, at least according to my doctor, minus a couple treatable ailments. I don't think of myself as sad or depressed, just reflective. Some might confuse the two, but personally I feel like it is important to reflect and move forward. Pretending like I have not had obstacles or circumstances that have prevented me from excelling is a bunch of crap. This is me being completely honest with myself and with everyone else for that matter. If there is anyone out there who can look at their lives and not have some moments of weakness or regret, then you are not looking deep enough. I am just like everyone else, I have dreams, goals, and plans for my future. I am also painfully aware of the fact that life happens, every single day, and things don't turn out the way you planned. I am a hopeless optimist at heart, but I am also a practical realist. I am not broken or some lost little girl. I am a person filled with faith, hope and the idea that there is good in all people and in the world. Don't you ever get tired of walking through this life smiling and nodding, even when you don't feel like smiling and nodding. Sometimes I just wanna break it down and tell you the truth from my perspective. It might not be pretty and you might feel uncomfortable with it, but who cares, it is my life. You can go on and smile and nod like you don't have a care in the world, but I see you and I know inside there is something eating at you. Whether it is a relationship you struggle with, bills you can't pay, a job you can't stand, or the deep wonder if after everything you worked so hard for your whole life if this is it. You know what I mean, you worked your whole life with the mantra "Someday it will all be worth it." Well was it? All the hard work was it worth it. In the grand scheme of things it probably was, but late at night when you can't sleep because you think it might not be, you swallow the feeling wake up the next morning and keep moving forward. Well I am here, to let those feelings out and not shove them down into the pit of my stomach. None of us are perfect. None of us have a perfect life. The only difference is I am not going to walk through life with a fake smile on my face, just to impress everyone else. When I smile, it is genuine. When I laugh, it is impossible to stop the laughter. I am as real a person as you will ever know. If you can deal with that, then keep on reading. I will have many more interesting and sometime ridiculously boring things to say.