Crossing Paths

So I have been struggling the past two days to come up with something new to write about, then two separate things happened to me. First,  I crossed paths with an old friend, the person from Regrets: Part One. Then , I got to speak to a good friend, who I hadn't really spoke to in several months, and she  gave me some really good advice, which included some reading homework.  These two thing might not be as important had they not happened within a day of each other.

I last personally spoke to my ex-friend over two years ago and since then I have struggled with moving on from that friendship. This person had become such an enormous part of my life, that I considered her family, it was like losing a part of myself. For so long immediately following our fall out replaying the events that led up to the end. In a romantic relationship it is so different because you have prepared yourself to some extent for an ending. For me she was someone who I could always count on for anything, no questions asked. I had witnessed this person have other relationships end dramatically. The only way out was not just for the bridge to be burned to but to be incinerated so you couldn't even find the path back if you wanted to. I know that sounds really judgmental and incredibly harsh, but it is also the absolute truth. I find myself guilty of doing the same thing on occasion, of course I was immature and in high school.

Another thing you should know, in case you were wondering, I don't hate this person, not even one tiny bit. I know I could have handled the situation that ended our friendship differently, but I didn't and I can't take that back. What I regret is that in doing what I thought was the right thing, I simply ended up alienating her.  In order to avoid an altercation I decided that it was better for me to say nothing instead of saying something I might regret. When I want to be mean I can be a very nasty person. This was my best friend I didn't want to say ugly words simply out of anger. I believe there are certain things that once you say them you cannot ever take them back.

So in the years since I have wanted to say all the words I never had the chance to say, none of them out of anger, but out of the hope for salvaging the friendship. The trouble was anytime I saw her anywhere I would turn around and walk in the opposite direction. Still afraid of saying things that you can't take back, having it turn into a confrontation. In this public setting for privacy reasons I keep this persons name private, but even in m everyday life it has taken me almost those two years to say her name out loud. I would literally just say that person, you remember that person. Trying hopelessly to incinerate that bridge and all paths connected to it. Unfortunately that also meant that I had to destroy the good with the bad, or so I thought.

Two days ago, I crossed paths with her, she didn't see me, but I also didn't turn and run the other way. I finally felt at peace, like maybe we could coexist in this world together. This might not be my most exciting post, but there is a second part to my story. Come back and keep on reading.